Building Self-Confidence When You’ve Had a Set Back

shutterstock_254674168Having knocks to our self confidence can really set us back. It’s a challenge that comes up regularly in coaching, clients make tentative steps out their comfort zones, stretch their self confidence limits and then they face some sort of set back.

Set backs can be big or small, it can be being rejected or turned down from something you hoped to get, being over looked for a promotion, being dumped by a date you had high hopes for, having a full on confidence –stifling attack when you need to speak up in a meeting or with a person in your life.

Whatever the cause for the knock in self confidence, there are some key ways to help you get back on track and not let it halt you in the progress and future you want to make for yourself;

  •  Reframe the setback- unfortunately, setbacks are part of life and sometimes it helps to see them as an opportunity to test our resolve and build our determination. Ask yourself, what have I learnt from this setback that I can apply to future challenges? Can I prepare or change my approach? Reframing the setback as something to learn from can really help take the focus off of what went wrong and confidence sapping thoughts, to instead, how we can grow.
  •  Take a step back and remember the bigger picture – challenging as it is to do, take a look back at how far you have come and remind yourself of where you want to get to. Often when we have setbacks we can forget what we have achieved and also lose sight of where we want to get to, To help with both of these, having an inspiring image or picture up somewhere to remind you of what you want to reach and how you want to grow can help. Also keep a track in a journal of the challenges you have overcome to show how far you have come regardless of the setback.
  •  Use your body- Getting into a body power pose that helps connect you back into your confidence can really help- Amy Cuddy has a great Ted talk on this.
  •  Beware of the inner critic- when we get these confidence sapping knocks our inner self talk can become more critical and unsupportive of us. Now is the time to be aware and keep a check on the inner critic, my inner critic blog can help with practical ways to achieve this.
  •  Take yourself out the moment and have some pamper time- being kind to ourselves and doing something nice, helps us get back to feeling ok within ourselves again.
  •  Try again– scary as this one sounds, whatever you’ve had a setback in, getting back out there and trying again is the way to move forward with it without fearing it. Fear holds us back and keeps us small, to find out more on ways to conquer fear, take a look at my fear busting blog.

Building our self confidence after a setback takes courage and determination, it can be really hard to put yourself back out there and try again, but I want to spur you on to push forward and give it another go.

My belief is that by having knockbacks we get the opportunity to really grow into the people we only dreamed of becoming.

I coach clients with issues like this, if you know anyone who would benefit from my blog please share this. Or get in touch for your free sample session.

 

Comments

  1. Great little post. Re-fraing and body language can be especially powerful at helping you with any emotional issue, including self-confidence. I try to use gratitude in what-ever I do (not that this is easy to remember, of course;-) and try to find the silver lining behind the dark cloud

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